We’ve all been there. Or at least, I think most of us. We get in a new relationship, and that guy starts changing us. Not saying in a bad way, but they say that you start becoming more like the people you’re around- you pick up their habits.
Shane and I knew each other in high school, years and years before our first date. I kept score for the wrestling team, and he was one of our star athletes. I never really worked out, but he lived in the gym. He was chiseled and I was infatuated. (Never would have guessed I’d be having his children though!)
Fast forward 8 years, I was the one who lived in the gym, and Shane, well Shane was burnt out from so many years of keeping up such a grueling schedule of lifting. We started dating, and my weekends in the gym were no more. My Saturday long runs were spent sleeping in, trips to the farmer’s market, and whatever else couples do.
My strict meal prepping turned into Shane cooking dinner (he is an AMAZING chef!) and our weekly pizza date. Or Mexican. But my point is, not strict. At all. He was always surprising me with little things like my favorite ice cream or a bag of candy. How sweet, right?
Once we get in relationships, we find ourselves a lot of time more relaxed and confident, and in turn, less strict on our fitness goals. He loves me just how I am- I can skip the gym again today. These things are so subconscious- we don’t recognize what is happening until our abs have gone missing and you don’t recognize half of the new gym staff.
This is what happened to me! Part of my fitness journey began- as I’m sure a lot of women can probably relate- had to do with self-esteem issues. I had bad experiences with boys throughout high school, college, and my early twenties, and I translated it to I’m not good enough. My sophomore year of high school, I started “talking” to a guy who seemed really into me, we were on the phone for hours every night for a few weeks after meeting at a football game, but suddenly dropped off the face of the earth, no explanation. My best friend confronted him and asked what was up, and literally guys, literally, his answer after saying I wasn’t his type, was “Erin’s not skinny enough, blonde enough, and her butt isn’t big enough.” This scarred me for YEARS. I’ve never been more than 5-10 pounds overweight, so for him to say that, my confidence was absolutely shot. This crushed me and took me a long time to let go and realize that his opinion was only that- one jerk’s opinion.
Why did I just tell that painful story?
Because good or bad, relationships shouldn’t change your goals or your self-esteem. Don’t forget who you are! Shane and I are super happy together and we actually do workout most nights together now. But just because he didn’t want to work out with me in the beginning, I shouldn’t have let go of my goals.
You can’t let go of yourself and your goals because you will lose yourself. In a new, healthy relationship, its fine to loosen up a little to enjoy your new company, but that doesn’t mean you stop being you.
If you stop being you, you won’t be truly happy anymore- even if that guy makes you happy- eventually the truth will always come out, and it can lead to anger, self-doubt, and maybe even a little resentment. You always have to make time for self-improvement and achieving your goals.
Over time, you may find that your good habits, if your partner doesn’t have these things in common with you, will rub off on him, just like I said in the beginning. Just being you, no pushing, he may get inspired and want to go along for the ride. And that’s the best possible scenario!